I work on a sports interview podcast with Jori Davis, an American professional basketball player overseas and I’m always nervous about booking a male athlete because they tend to be more boring and generic compared to their female counterparts.
Maybe it’s because the men live alone and their life often consists of basketball, video games, Netflix, parties, groupies, and ordering food. Whereas the female players often have roommates, cook for themselves and each other, explore their teams’ cities and the surrounding areas as well as the neighboring countries.
Typically, a male interviewee will tell you about a tough time in their life and that they got through it. And that’s it. A female interviewee will tell you about a tough time in their life, why it was tough, and how they got through it. They’re more detailed. They’re more willing to open up and be vulnerable.
And it’s not just athletes.
Last year, in my Spanish class of almost 30, I was one of 5 men in the class. With almost every expat couple here who came from a non-Spanish speaking country, it’s the woman who speaks better Spanish, even if they started taking classes at the same time. When I think about people I personally know who have traveled internationally on their own, almost all of them are women. When I think about people I personally know who have lived abroad, almost all of them are women. When I think about people I personally know who have never traveled abroad and have zero desire to, almost all of them are men.
But look, I never had any thoughts of living abroad before either. I moved to Spain for a then-girlfriend. In the past when female friends would tell me that they dreamed of living abroad I would be like, what for?
How many guys do you know who refuse to eat at new restaurants or try new dishes? Or maybe they order the same things every time they go to that one restaurant that they always want to go to? How many guys do you know who have no interest in meeting new people, unless it’s women they might be sexually interested in?
And maybe it’s not right to say that that’s what makes them boring as people. But the lack of curiosity, in general, is something I notice with men. Especially those in their mid-30s and up.
Since moving to Spain five years ago, I’ve had to experience new things again. I’ve had to try new dishes at restaurants to learn which ones I liked and which ones I didn’t. I’ve definitely had my share of disappointing meals here. And let me tell you when the only reason you left the house that day was to eat that meal alone at a restaurant and it’s not good? Your whole day is ruined.
I’ve also had to meet new people, from all over the world, with different levels of language compatibilities. I’ve met some annoying people. I’ve met some people who I thought were cool at first who turned out to be the opposite. I’ve met some people who turned out to be super right-wing and homophobic. But I’ve also met a few, very few, people who have challenged my thinking and opened up a new world for me.
Trying new things means risking failure. And nothing encapsulates that more than learning a new language. One time I went to a store looking to buy earplugs (tapones) and instead asked for tampons (tampones) while pointing to my ears. I learned the word for earplugs that way.
It’s crazy to think about how much men talk about how boring women are. Like all the tired-ass jokes we hear all our lives about how their girl is dragging them somewhere they don’t want to go to or making them do something they don’t want to do and how boring all of it is going to be. “Bro, I feel your pain,” was often the refrain. Or whatever women are into just couldn’t be as interesting or as good as whatever the guys found to be interesting or good. We learn, “Bro, that’s what chicks like” from an early age.
I remember when older men would tell me that the reason men died earlier than women was because they couldn’t stand to listen to their women talk anymore. But really, perhaps it’s men’s criminal lack of curiosity that causes us to die before women.
Look, I have no idea, I haven’t read any studies on this. But I’m beginning to think that we actually stop growing when our minds stop exploring.
And that’s when we start dying.
Actually, you know what, come for me bros.
👏🏾