A Very Unscientific (Yet Very Personal) Advice About Living as an Expat
Thought I was moving to Spain for a year. Now I'm in my fifth. Here's what I've learned.
We have a lot to cover today so we’re going to get right into it.
Quit Instagram. At least for the first year. FOMO hits differently when you’re thousands of miles away from your friends and family. IG had this weird effect on me where I found myself first wanting to be in the photos and videos I’d see flash across my screen but then I’d get jealous and even bitter at them for not checking in on me. Images from holidays were the hardest. It just made me miss home even more.
None of which help you adjust to your new life in a new land with new people in a new culture. IG made me long for things I was far away from and quitting it made me focus more on what was in front of me. It’s hard to appreciate what you have if you’re missing what you had. I had to focus on what I could partake in instead of what I couldn’t. I became more present.
Moving away means letting go of what you left behind. It doesn’t mean forgetting your past but the more you try to hold onto who you were and what you liked, the harder it will be for you to experience new things and maybe even give yourself a chance to become a different person.
You feel the old you slip away and out of fear and desperation, you cling on to that person, even if that person wasn’t the best version of yourself.
I found myself constantly comparing America to Spain and New York to Valencia. And really, most people don’t care. Maybe other people who can relate do but then you find yourself in this endless cycle of complaining.
I know it feels good to vent, especially to others who may be able to understand your struggles but misery does like company and sometimes you become the misery and the company.
Most expats chose to move. And they had the financial means to do so. Most expats live in the more expensive neighborhoods. Rarely do they move to a country or city that has a higher cost of living than the place they left.
This also means that they tend to make or have more money than the locals. And because most things in their native country will be more expensive than their new country, they’ll say things like “Oh it’s so cheap here.” And guess what, nobody wants to hear that about where they live. Especially since the things that they may find “so cheap” are in fact not cheap at all to the locals.
Try not to live in an expat neighborhood. Did you really move to another country to live with other people who look, think, and talk like you?
Expats often live in a safe bubble. Usually with other expats. Most of the time they don’t pay attention to what’s happening locally and maybe not even nationally. It doesn’t really concern them.
The most difficult part may be keeping an open mind and not taking things personally. We know what we know because it’s all we know. We think our rights and wrongs are universal because it’s all we know. Often we’ve only existed in only one society and followed its rules and guidelines. We only know one operational system.
Let go of being the star character of your own narrative. It’s not about you all the time. When you feel like the outsider it’s hard not to think that you’re being treated like one, even if that’s not what’s happening. I had to learn that the old ladies at the supermarket didn’t cut me in line because I was a foreigner or because I was Asian, they did it because that’s just what they do here.
Instead of thinking that the way you’re familiar with is the right, best, or the only way, be prepared to look at things differently. Be prepared to be challenged in your thinking. I don’t even know if there is a best or right way anymore. There are many ways and each one has its good and bad. The more you try to fight this, the more frustrated you will become.
Adapt. Try to give yourself space and time to grow. Try things you’ve never tried before and if you don’t like it, try it again. Try not to bring your preprogrammed and preconceived notions of how people and things should be. Try to become one instead of the one.
What’s considered rude in one place is considered normal in another. Every country has its own concept of personal and public space. What you may think is weird or strange is often normal and you’re actually the one who is weird or strange for thinking that those things are weird or strange.
You may find everything to not make sense then you may romanticize everything and share how awesome all of it is to everyone back home, especially on social media. And that can get annoying very quickly. Just try not to jump to any conclusions. Not everything is what you think it is. There are layers upon layers to how societies function.
Finally, my advice to you is that taking my advice or not taking my advice may be the best thing for you.
If you have experienced expat life, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Big Hyun! Great post man. Glad to read of your experiences in Spain, they sound very interesting. I’ve been living in Barbados for nearly four years now. Of course, island living is amazing, and Barbados is super-rich in culture, history and cuisine. My biggest challenge here, and it was easy to handle, was the common culture curve. Just the little nuances of how locals here speak and behave vs. some of it being considered rude back home. But adapting here didn’t take long. Like the cliche says: when in Rome, do what the Romans do. I hang out with all locals so I learned my way pretty well without having to ask much, but rather simply observing the locals’ customs and ways, sort of like an anthropologist.
Awesome post. You could def write a book just on that topic. One of the most valuable things from living overseas/traveling has definitely been realizing that there are as many ways to do something as there are people in the world, and chances are none of them is better than the other.